Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Bat Guano

OK - something light hearted this time:

I used to belong to an organic garden forum online. The members were experts on organic gardening and organic fertilizers, and got amazing results. Even among this enthusiastic crowd, however, I was pulled up short by the following post: "I just flew back from Austin, TX, where they have, I think, the 2nd largest bat cave in the world, with a total of 100 pounds of bat guano and cotton boll mulch!"

I posted the following entry to the forum's thread:

I am afraid I looked blankly at this several times. Flew with 100 lbs of bat guano and cotton boll mulch? Did you check this or take it as carry-on? I pictured the usual jostling and competition on today's overcrowded planes, as a parcel of bat guano was lifted overhead (would any sprinkle down on the unappreciative? Would they know it for the gold it was?) to be placed in the bins. "Please make sure the overhead bins are securely closed." Can't have bat stuff flying loose about the cabin.

Or I see the look on the stoic airline ticket clerk's face as a 100 lb bag of bat guano was checked. Placidly tagging it for transfer to the connecting flight...

Or I imagine the looks (and nose holding?) in baggage claim as the 100 lb bag of bat stuff tumbles out of the shoot and quietly moves around until it reaches its rightful owner. The stares (and sudden silence?) of the crowd, waiting to see who will claim this most unusual bag.

The porter, helping to load this onto an airport shuttle. "I don't know what "guano" is, but this bag stinks. Heavy, too. What do you mean, manure?! You went all the way to Texas for this stuff?! Haven't we got enough right here? Man, I need to wash my hands." Some people just don't get it.

Photo is of our Halloween bat puppet, and just imagine...

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